2024年4月考试真题试做 提问

guonaihao

老师 能帮我看看这篇我能得多少分 有什么需要改进的 谢谢
Thesis statement: The benefits of bike sharing: environment friendly, lose weight and improve social credit
I.        Enjoy life
A.        Happy
B.        Healthy
II.  Environment friendly
A.        No gas emission
B.        No fuel used
III.   Complete social credit
IV.        Conclusion: everyone likes it and enjoy it. It help government to build better cities.


Nowadays, more and more bike sharing companies promote their products—sharing bikes and more people start to use them. People from work use them as tools to commute. Students use them to travel for fun on the roads. And police officers use them to perform missions. Some say sharing bikes have disadvantages. However, sharing bikes can have benefits for the people who use it and citizen as a whole.
To start with, sharing bikes make people who use them happy and healthy. As a new type of transportation method and a brand new way of riding bikes, sharing bikes is like a new way of life. People are tired to ride their own bikes after several years of riding. They want something new. As every time they ride sharing bikes, they are like finding new toys to play with and are happy. Besides, riding bikes instead of taking buses or subways let people lose weight and keep healthy. As they ride bikes, they do sports and sports make people’s brain active—it makes them smarter.
Sharing bikes make cities cleaner. More and more people like the idea of sharing bikes because they are cheap and easy to use and it’s a new way to ride bikes. People find it fun and love to do it so more and more people go to work by sharing bikes instead of driving cars or buses. Then less gas is used and less emission is done. So less air is polluted. Sharing bikes protect the environment.
Sharing bikes improve social credit system. As we use sharing bikes, we don’t need to hand in the bonds and we need to put them back locked. Those broke the bikes or refuse to pay for the fees will be put into black list. This credit system help the city to judge who are good users and who are bad users, which show personal credits. It help banks and government know how people perform in the bike loan. Thus, those on black list will no longer get bank loan in the future.
In short, sharing bikes has a lot of benefits for people and the cities. It makes people happy and healthy, the cities cleaner and social credit system better. It is the best way of commuting in these years.

ekt1098517

乃豪同学好：

第四道大题你的提纲离做题要求还有有很多提升空间，作文本身基本结构没有问题，就是语言表述稍显不够学术化。

请登录学习平台，观看第二次写作串讲：里面对你提交在平台的第三道大题、第四道大题都有详细点评，好吗？

最后的冲刺，加油加油！

guonaihao

好的谢谢